If you’ve been in a relationship for a while now but notice the passion is missing—or that your man is not even trying to be romantic
anymore—then you may be making a common mistake that many women make.
Many, many women…who end up divorced, or who break up with their boyfriends. Women who end up bitter, resentful and living with way too many cats.
No joke. And it breaks my heart to see this happen to people because the warning signs are always there but are frequently igno
red. Commit ment should be based on passion, not duty or obligation. If the passion is missing in your relationship it IS a big deal. Ignoring the problem is the worst thing you can do.
But the good news is that you can get the spark back.
It doesn’t even take that much effort—it just takes an attitude adjustment.
We’re going to consider in this article why exactly that men “stop trying” and what you can do to give your relationship that all-important spark that it’s missing.
Why Men Stop Chasing
The main problem is that many couples seem to misunderstand the concept of “settling down” in a relationship. They assume that the loss of sexual attraction, and preference for routine over excitement, is natural. We just grow over time to “love” our partner, while losing the attraction or the “spark” that first brought us together.
While you can argue that couples do get “used to each other” this does not mean that any of the following is normal.
1. Your man is lazy and not even trying to romance you anymore.
2. He seems resentful at the idea of trying any harder.
3. He doesn’t “woo” you anymore but seems content to be “your hubby”
4. He doesn’t have passion for you…sex is routine or non-existent.
5. He’s less interested in impressing you or talking with you like he used to enjoy.
6. He’s less interested in your life…he seems content to be doing his own thing; surfing the net, reading, watching TV, etc.
None of these things are normal!
In fact, this suggests a major problem…the kind of problem that can fester and turn into total lack of communication and a loveless marriage.
I don’t want to sound overly negative about it, but it’s a pattern that always seems to happens in couples that eventually break up.
The worst thing you can do is figure it’s “natural” and your spouse is sure to stay with you because you just love each other no matter what. That’s not the way love works.
Love tries. Love always tries.
Beware the Fantasy Bond
The “fantasy bond” is a concept not many people are familiar with, but something that therapists and psychologists discuss frequently. This refers to a relationship where the “Love” is built upon routines and “roles” rather than what a couple actually and actively feels for each other.
It’s a sort of delusional “illusory connection” that one or both partners feel they have, but that actually maintains the emotional distance between both partners.
They’re essentially lying to themselves, figuring that the routine is somehow going to protect their commitment. It’s a fantasy bond because it relies on this fantasy of a distant relationship bringing happiness because of “roles” rather than focusing on the real problem.
The lack of passion is the problem. That’s the problem that needs fixing. Ignoring it, losing yourself in a fantasy, is not the answer.
Know Your Role in Your Relationship
The most common problem in broken relationships is that male and female roles have been compromised. No, this isn’t about patriarchy or about “those were the days, when girls were girls and men were men.”
This is about the simple idea that in any relationship, men want to feel like men. That seems logical, right? Men want to be treated like masculine creatures because that’s what we all are. That’s the id and ego that makes us feel self-confident and happy.
A problem occurs when a woman doesn’t allow a man to feel like a man. When this happens she is driving him into an emotional prison. He’s either going to resent her quietly (and perhaps plan for his exit) or will cling to the fantasy bond and will live miserably ever after.
Both scenarios are terrible. They rob him of happiness and you of the romance you deserve.
The answer is to become more feminine so that your man can feel more masculine.
Now hold on—this doesn’t mean you have to give up your self-respect and become a Stepford Wife.
You just have to get back in touch with the independent, feminine person he first fell in love with.
Routines are the enemy. Routines are what a mother gives her young son to keep him in line. Not sexy. Not romantic. (Not coincidentally, a man’s mother is usually the antidote to any feelings of horniness!)
So if you notice a lack of romance and a “lack of trying” coming from your man, what has probably happened is that he feels defeated. He has been taken away from his
masculine role and is just barely hanging on as an accessory husband.
It’s time to do a little man-maintenance and make sure his masculine ego is still being coddled.
Consider this perfect 4-step program to becoming the feminine woman he fell in love with rather than the “wife” who he feels obligated to obey.
1. Un-merge your identities.
Give him more independence. Avoid speaking for him, telling him what to do or how to feel. Avoid telling him what you want from him or what he should be doing to be more romantic.
Instead, let him pursue hobbies and interests that he likes and encourage his independence from the “inseparable couple” you’ve evolved into. The initial attraction we feel towards each other is based on our unique qualities. Forming “one person” and abandoning that independence is contrary to that initial spark.
2. Start living life and trying new things together!
In addition to independence, as a couple, break out of your routines and make an effort to try new things together. Men usually like to “lead” in relationships, so encourage him to think freely and find new romantic things to try.
Bear in mind sometimes browbeaten men may want to avoid new experiences. What’s happened now is that he has become far too familiar with the routine; this brings on feelings of cynicism, skepticism and laziness.
The same qualities that are robbing him of the romantic personality he once had and that you now miss.
Let him lead. Let him come up with interesting ideas. He will feel adventurous again and will start to feel more like a knight fighting for the affections of his princess.
3. Stop talking so much about routines, schedules, household needs and other “practical conversations”
If you miss those old conversations that ran hours into the night, you’re probably both guilty of talking too often about unromantic things.
Battering a man with conversations about what he should be doing, what needs to be done, and so on, is a conversation he might as well have with his mother.
Yes, we need to talk about logistics, obviously. But make time to have more personal conversation. Take an interest in his hobbies and let him rant. Let him “shine” as an authority on a subject. Let his sense of humor tickle you. Let his passion for life impress you all over again. You didn’t fall in love talking about schedules, daily routines and “to do lists.” You fell in love because you both talked about really interesting things before settling into this routine of mundane daily happenings.
Get back in touch with those “less important” conversations and start relating to each other emotionally again rather than so “practically” all the time.
4. Take better care of yourself and stop relying on him to build up your ego.
This may be a tough one to hear but it’s absolutely true, especially if you’re dating a guy with high self-confidence and a competitive personality. (Which a lot of successful guys happen to be)
What can happen in a relationship is that a woman “fantasy fuses” with her man, and begins to rely on him to take care of her. He reassures her that she’s perfect. He butters up her ego and completes her self-confidence.
Well guess what happens? She lets herself go and that “chemistry” that was once there begins to chip away. She may stop working out, stop eating healthy and stop fixing herself up when she goes out. He does the same and soon enough, you have a couple who just doesn’t care about looks. Or connection. Or pleasing each other. Is it any surprise the passion suffers?
When he senses that she doesn’t care anymore he stops caring—and in doing so, he abandons all his old patterns. Like being romantic. Affectionate. Flirty and fun.
Here’s what so few people realize about “letting yourself go.” It’s not just about doing what is “comfortable.”
It’s part of the fantasy bond…we are actually distancing our partner and pushing away the intimacy that we actually want. It is a form of self-sabotage.
These unhealthy physical habits only punish you and hurt your self-esteem, while simultaneously pushing your partner away. They test our relationship.
And yes, they make a man feel emasculated. He’s not romantic because you’ve already told him, “it doesn’t matter.”
Start taking pride in your appearance again. Not just to please him but to please others—other people. Feel attractive again. You have every right to embrace femininity and be treated like a goddess.
And he will not be threatened, because this is what first attracted your man to you. The idea that you had high confidence and took great pride in your appearance. And that you, as popular as you were, still chose him.
He will likewise take pride in his appearance again and will work harder to impress you, because he knows the effort is back on. We’re trying again, honey!
Ideally both partners should want to feel attractive, independent and full of self-confidence. This is what keeps a committed relationship romantic.
Because when you’re having fun together you are there by choice—not because of routine or obligation.
Let him feel like a man again by encouraging his natural instincts to be dominant, be sexual and be confident in why he loves this relationship with you.
If you master the art of being feminine, you will always have a man that eats out of the palm of your hand. You will have a healthy, passionate and highly sexual relationship that knows no time or bounds. You will have the passion back, the red hot sex life, and the happily ever after love you always dreamed you would.
I promise you this—make an effort. You will never be disappointed.
Exposed: The Truth About Men And Commitment
Do you know what the greatest myth is about men and commitment?
It’s that men are commitment-phobic.
That men don’t want a serious relationship.
That men only want sex.
Now I realize that your experience may tell you that this is the truth…
But Gallup did a poll found that the overwhelming majority of men are looking for a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage and having kids.
If this is true, why does it seem like so many men are so afraid to commit?
It’s because men are holding out, waiting for the right woman.
If you want a man to look at you as the right one, there’s one very specific difference between a woman that a man wants to marry and one who he only wants something casual with.
It has nothing to do with looks, age, or breast size.
If you want a man to feel like you’re the perfect woman for him, go check out this video I created for you…
After working in the dating industry for over a decade, I’ve found that relationship success is very predictable.
Men who push things forward with a woman do this one thing correctly and the rest mess this one thing up.
Can you guess what it is?